Gentle Cruelty
by Galadriel Caskett
Summary: [Matantei Loki] Loki does some introspection on the relationship he shares with Freya. Generally moody drabble, set somewhere after the 7th episode.


_Loki, the mischief maker. Fair of face, but filled with deceit. _

_The trickster god. A god, but not truly one of them._

**VAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA **

"I see… I'm sorry."

"Ehh? You didn't really need to apologize…" Mayura blinked, decidedly confused by his somber mood.

He knew something of loneliness; aside from his numerous dalliances with various goddesses and, well, female non-humans in general, he had never really been involved with any of the other gods. Truth be told, they had never accepted him as one of their own. He knew that, and they knew that, and he'd simply smiled, and shrugged it off as something that was part of him.

But it wasn't like that made the segregation any easier to bear.

"_I love you, Loki… I love you so much."_

Freya… He'd taken her as his lover once in a while, back when he was still in Asgard. She hadn't been easy to win over, even with the charm and good looks that he flaunted unashamedly, and he supposed that haughtiness was what had caught his attention.

_"But I know you don't reciprocate my feelings."_

In the long succession of amorous affairs that he'd had, hers was the face which he remembered most clearly. Partially because of her beauty, of course - even among the goddesses, she was one of the most lovely – but also because something in her had touched a chord in him, and he'd come to care for her, in his own way.

_"I hate you, Loki! It would have been so much better if we had never met…"_

He'd never intended to hurt anyone. To him, the time he spent with most of the women he seduced were simply pleasant interludes; short respites when he could let down his guard and forget, however briefly, that he didn't really belong… anywhere. In fact, he suspected his female partners had had much the same attitude towards _him_.

That is, till Freya came along.

Freya had been different. Even knowing that he didn't return her feelings, even knowing the possible ramifications of such brashness, she'd faced Odin, highest of gods, down… Just for him. When he imagined her bowing her proud head for him…

_"I've been so lonely----!"_

He cared for her, yes. He could, without compunction, risk his life for her, yes. But he did not love her, at least not as she obviously loved him. Loving somebody with that kind of passion did not fall in the job description for the god of deceit, after all.

He hadn't known that such love could bring so much loneliness to a person. Wasn't love supposed to be bright and joyful?

Perhaps, he would never know.

Perhaps he didn't _want_ to know, ever.

All he knew was that he _had _hurt her; he could hear that from her voice, see it in her eyes. The hopeless plea in her words, begging him to love her back. So much pain, and so much love, and so much hate, all mingled together, inseparable. And he didn't even have the faintest idea of how to go about putting things right.

And so he would protect her, as well as he could. Because that was the only thing he could do.

_"I'm sorry, Freya."_

"Loki-kun?"

He looked up at the pink-haired girl, startled out of his thoughts.

"Yes, Mayura?"

She studied him for a moment, and then broke out into a bright smile. "It's great that Reiya-chan returned safely, isn't it?"

He smiled lopsidedly at her. "Did you really have any doubt about that?"

She stuck out her tongue at him in response, then ran off as something caught her attention, before returning shortly with a paper bag in one hand.

"Here!"

He stared at the steaming taiyaki she was holding out, and raised an eyebrow inquiringly at her.

She dropped it into his hand. "It's a reward for solving the case successfully. Go on, eat it before it goes cold!"

He contemplated the fish-shaped pastry for a while, as she took a large bite of her own.

"I don't really like anko…"

"Mou, stop compla…"

"But, thank you."

She stopped in mid-remonstrance, and blinked, bewildered by such uncharacteristic honesty. For the second time that day too, no less.

"Uhh… You're welcome…"

He smiled secretly to himself behind the steaming taiyaki, grandly pretending not to notice as she stared at him in puzzlement.

Maybe, just maybe, for a little longer, he could pretend that he did belong somewhere, after all.

_-- Owari -- _

_Authoress's notes: Although Loki IS very sweet to Reiya-chan, but somehow, I've always had the feeling that it wasn't love. Affection, maybe, but not love. So this is just my take on how he really feels about her. Of course, it could be my pro-LokixMayura mind playing tricks on me, but that's really beside the point. _

_I'm not very satisfied with this drabble, myself. (bites lower lip in frustration) But oh well. All criticism and/or flames welcome! 'Course, praise would be nice too… (looks appealingly around)_

_Oh, and this is set just after Freya first appears in the series. After she tried and failed to assassinate Loki. Hopefully I've made that obvious from the "flashback" dialogue, but… It starts, actually, right at the part when Mayura, having just reunited with Loki and gang, said that they were mean for leaving her, and that she had been so lonely, blah blah. Ah, and for those who don't know, taiyaki is a hot fish-shaped Japanese dessert, filled with anko (sweet red bean paste), and which is frequently sold at roadside stalls. _

_PS: May I gush about Loki? Like how he's just so loveably sweet to every single girl? (sighs) Now THAT'S a perfect gentleman. And like how he has this devilish charisma that makes every girl in the vicinity swoon... (sighs some more)_

_Ahem. Now I've gotten that out of my system, I suppose I'd better close this note before it takes up too significant a chunk of the word count. Again, please, please review._

_Disclaimer: Matantei Loki Ragnarok does not belong to me. _


End file.
